Incendiary Device // Plot Idea Wears Thin Fast in `Story'

A PYROMANIAC'S LOVE STORY (STAR) (STAR) Garet William Baldwin Sergio John Leguizamo Hattie Sadie Frost Stephanie Erika Eleniak Directed by Joshua Brand. Written by Morgan Ward. Running time:96 minutes. Rated PG (for mild language). Opening today at localtheaters. `A Pyromaniac's Love Story" starts out like a lighthearted charmer,and then it goes on and on and on - circling the same plot idea sodoggedly that I began to wonder idly what it might have been like asa short subject. It doesn't have a mean bone in its body or, forthat matter, a brain in its head.

The movie takes place in the Kensington district of Toronto,that charming mix of ethnic shops and open-air vegetable markets. Ofcourse Toronto is never mentioned by name (Americans might not beable to deal with such an exotic location, I guess), but much of thetone of the film comes from the leafy, peaceful streets upon whichlovers spill out their secrets.

Much of the story involves a little neighborhood pastry shopnamed Linzer's, where a young and handsome pastry chef named Sergio(John Leguizamo) works behind the counter. One night a strange blond(Erika Eleniak) walks in off the street and kisses him, but he failsto respond because his heart belongs to a waitress named Hattie(Sadie Frost). "Cupid dances on his eyelids," the narrator tells us.

Meanwhile, old Mr. Linzer (Armin Mueller-Stahl) confesses thathis store is going broke, and that he fears not being able to supportthe wife he loves (Joan Plowright). He asks Sergio to burn down theshop so he can collect the insurance money. The next day, the shopburns down.

I will not reveal who set the fire, although the identify of thepyromaniac is not the point of the story. The point is that nearlyeveryone in the plot confesses to the crime, sooner or later, and allof them have love as their motive.

The other key characters include Garet (William Baldwin), who isin love with Stephanie, who in turn is the mysterious blond whokissed Sergio. There is also Garet's millionaire father who wants toprotect his son from arrest as a pyromaniac, and a friendly localpolice sergeant who keeps refusing to accept confessions, andHattie's father (Michael Lerner), who casts a benevolent eye frombehind his deli counter.

Now that you understand the setup, understand that the movieessentially just recombines these characters and their motives.Various people confess to the crime because of their love for otherpeople, who in turn are also likely to confess, and there arepainfully contrived scenes like the one where Garet tries to commitsuicide but is easily distracted.

Leguizamo makes, it must be said, a good-looking and cheerfulleading man, and showed in "Carlito's Way" that he has genuinepresence. Here the movie needs every trace of his charisma to shoreup the sappy situation he finds himself in. Baldwin has an even morethankless role, as a goofy misfit who treasures his limp as anotherman might cherish his dog. One question the movie dares not ask ishow any woman could possibly endure his company, much less love him.Frost has a winning, straightforward likability, and Eleniak does anice job with her rich-girl dialogue.

But the movie has nowhere to go. The characters behave likesimpletons, breaking up and getting back together again at theconvenience of the plot. Director Joshua Brand has created some goodtelevision ("I'll Fly Away," "Northern Exposure"), and at least hehas the nerve to go for the sort of cheerful whimsy of "Moonstruck,""Sleepless in Seattle" and "While You Were Sleeping." But whimsywithout wit is like an empty smile.